So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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