i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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