Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
