Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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