I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
