apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
