I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
