just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Rumble strips road head = magical
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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