All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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