dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Randomize
