dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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