All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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