chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
