I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
be right there i have to get my cape
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
