I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
