I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
