I hate all girls vehemently.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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