You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
