i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
