I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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