Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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