i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
