i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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