you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
