in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
