haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i think i have two assholes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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