dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
