One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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