Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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