I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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