I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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