i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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