is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
