you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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