you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
