Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
