:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We left the knife in your bed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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