i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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