Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
