In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
