$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
