so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
