Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
