I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
