operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
