my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
