do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
