my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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