i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
