When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
