As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
