Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
