Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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