I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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